I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
