We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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