well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
