I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
