my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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