Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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