Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
