You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
