My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I supernannyed him into submission
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
