Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
