and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
