Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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