but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
