My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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