Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
