epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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