Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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