Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
