i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
