I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
