Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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