There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
