Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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