I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
