I just saw a hot homeless man
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
