i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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