Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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