you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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