I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
