in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
