You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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