i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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