Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I have demons in me.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
