My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
