I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
