some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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