the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
