Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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