does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pappa wants mamma naked
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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