literally had 100 drinks last night.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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