I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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