If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
