my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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