Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
