never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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