So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
