Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
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I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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