Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
