well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
