actually, I'm a sock model
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
