The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
