There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
