He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Found the puke drawer
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
