I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
