I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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