omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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