We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
