we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
