Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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