i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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