is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
