It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
