Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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