i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
