I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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