Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
