careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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