Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize