...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
